1. What is Parallel Parenting?
Parallel parenting is a method of raising children after separation where parents disengage from each other while staying engaged with their children. Unlike co-parenting, which requires cooperation and communication, parallel parenting minimizes contact between parents.
Core Principles
- Both parents remain actively involved with children
- Minimal direct communication between parents
- Each parent has autonomy during their parenting time
- Detailed written plans replace ongoing negotiations
- Children are kept out of parental conflict
2. Parallel vs. Co-Parenting
Co-Parenting
- Regular communication
- Joint decision-making
- Flexibility in schedules
- Shared events and activities
- Requires low conflict
Parallel Parenting
- Limited communication
- Independent decisions
- Strict schedule adherence
- Separate events/attendance
- Works in high conflict
3. When to Use Parallel Parenting
Parallel parenting may be appropriate when:
- Direct communication consistently escalates into conflict
- There's a history of domestic violence or abuse
- One parent uses communication to control or manipulate
- Children are being exposed to parental conflict
- Standard co-parenting has been attempted and failed
4. Key Strategies
Communication Rules
- Use co-parenting apps (OurFamilyWizard, TalkingParents)
- Written communication only—no phone calls
- Business-like tone, child-focused only
- 48-hour response time for non-emergencies
- No contact at exchanges (use neutral locations)
5. Creating a Parallel Parenting Plan
A detailed plan reduces the need for ongoing negotiation:
- Specific, detailed schedule (holidays, birthdays, vacations)
- Clear exchange protocols (time, location, method)
- Decision-making allocation (who decides what)
- Communication boundaries and methods
- Dispute resolution process (mediator, parenting coordinator)
6. Frequently Asked Questions
Parallel parenting is a strategy for high-conflict situations where parents disengage from each other while both remaining actively involved in their children's lives. Each parent makes day-to-day decisions independently during their parenting time.
Co-parenting involves regular communication and collaboration between parents. Parallel parenting minimizes direct contact—parents operate independently with limited communication, using apps or written communication only when necessary.
Parallel parenting is appropriate when direct communication consistently leads to conflict that affects the children, when there's a history of domestic violence, or when one or both parents struggle to separate their relationship issues from parenting.