What Is a Parenting Plan?
A parenting plan is a written document that outlines how separated or divorced parents will raise their children together. It covers everything from the day-to-day schedule to decision-making responsibilities, communication protocols, and procedures for handling disputes. A well-crafted parenting plan reduces conflict, provides stability for children, and gives both parents clear expectations.
In Alberta, parenting plans can be informal agreements between parents, or they can be incorporated into court orders or separation agreements to make them legally enforceable. While the format may vary, the best parenting plans share common characteristics: they are detailed enough to prevent misunderstandings, flexible enough to accommodate changing circumstances, and focused on the children's best interests.
Creating an effective parenting plan requires thoughtful consideration of your family's unique circumstances, your children's needs at their current developmental stages, and practical realities like work schedules, school locations, and geographic proximity of the parents' homes.
Essential Elements of a Parenting Plan
A comprehensive parenting plan should address all aspects of your children's lives. While you may not need every element depending on your situation, considering each area ensures nothing important is overlooked.
1. Regular Parenting Time Schedule
The core of any parenting plan is the regular schedule that governs week-to-week parenting time. Common arrangements include:
- Week on/week off: Children spend alternating weeks with each parent
- 2-2-3 schedule: Children spend 2 days with Parent A, 2 days with Parent B, then 3 days with Parent A, alternating
- 3-4-4-3 schedule: Similar rotation providing balanced time
- Every other weekend plus midweek: One parent has primary residence, other has weekends and midweek visits
- Extended weekends: Similar to above but with longer weekend time
The right schedule depends on your children's ages, both parents' work schedules, school locations, and the parents' ability to communicate and cooperate.
2. Holiday and Special Occasion Schedule
Holidays often override the regular schedule. Your plan should address:
- Christmas: How Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Boxing Day are divided or alternated
- Other major holidays: Thanksgiving, Easter, Family Day, Victoria Day, Canada Day, Labour Day
- School breaks: Spring break, winter break (beyond Christmas), teacher convention days
- Cultural/religious holidays: Relevant observances for your family
- Mother's Day and Father's Day: Typically spent with the respective parent
- Children's birthdays: How these are celebrated when they fall on the other parent's time
- Parents' birthdays: Whether children spend time with the celebrating parent
Be specific about times. "Christmas Day" is ambiguous - does that mean all day, or just until a certain time? Specifying "Christmas Day from 10 AM until 8 PM" prevents disputes.
3. Summer Vacation Arrangements
Summer requires separate consideration because regular school schedules do not apply:
- Does the regular schedule continue through summer?
- Does each parent get extended uninterrupted vacation time?
- If so, how much notice is required for vacation scheduling?
- Can vacations overlap with the other parent's regular time?
- Who arranges and pays for summer activities and camps?
4. Exchange Times and Locations
Clear exchange provisions prevent confusion and conflict:
- Specific times: "5:00 PM" not "evening" or "after school"
- Location: At school, at each parent's home, or at a neutral location
- Who transports: Does the receiving parent pick up, or delivering parent drop off?
- What happens if someone is late: Grace period? Notification requirements?
- What items travel with children: Clothing, school supplies, medications, comfort items
5. Decision-Making Responsibilities
Under current Canadian law, decision-making responsibility (formerly called custody) covers major decisions in children's lives:
- Education: Choice of school, special education needs, tutoring
- Healthcare: Medical treatment, dental care, mental health services, vaccinations
- Religion: Religious instruction, participation in religious activities
- Extracurricular activities: Sports, music, arts programs
Decision-making can be joint (both parents must agree), sole (one parent decides), or divided by category (for example, one parent decides education, the other decides healthcare).
6. Communication Protocols
How parents communicate with each other and with children during the other parent's time:
- Between parents: Email, text, phone, parenting app?
- Response time expectations: 24 hours for non-urgent matters?
- With children: Can children call the other parent? At what times?
- Video calls: Frequency and duration of video visits
- Social media: Rules about posting photos of children
7. Dispute Resolution Process
When disagreements arise, how will they be resolved?
- Direct discussion between parents
- Mediation before court
- Parenting coordinator for day-to-day issues
- Arbitration for binding decisions
- Court as last resort
Scheduling Tips for Different Ages
Children's needs change as they grow, and parenting plans should reflect these developmental differences.
Infants and Toddlers (0-3 years)
Very young children need:
- Frequent, shorter visits rather than long separations
- Consistency in routines (feeding, napping, bedtime)
- Both parents to be actively involved in care
- Gradual increases in time away from primary caregiver
Extended overnights away from the primary attachment figure may not be appropriate for very young children. The plan should evolve as the child matures.
Preschoolers (3-5 years)
Preschoolers can handle more time away but still benefit from:
- Regular, predictable schedules they can understand
- Transition objects that travel between homes
- Shorter intervals between seeing each parent
- Consistent rules and routines in both homes
School-Age Children (6-12 years)
School-age children can handle more complex schedules:
- Longer blocks of time with each parent are appropriate
- School schedules become the organizing framework
- Extracurricular activities require coordination
- Homework and school projects need attention in both homes
- Children may have preferences they express (though these are not determinative)
Teenagers (13-17 years)
Teenagers present unique scheduling challenges:
- Social lives become increasingly important
- Jobs, driving, and increased independence affect schedules
- Teen preferences should be considered (though not controlling)
- Flexibility is often necessary and appropriate
- Maintaining relationships with both parents requires effort
A parenting plan that worked when children were young will need modification as they enter adolescence.
Addressing Common Co-Parenting Issues
Anticipating common issues and addressing them in your parenting plan prevents future conflicts.
Right of First Refusal
A right of first refusal clause gives the other parent the first opportunity to care for the children if the scheduled parent is unavailable. For example, if Dad has a business trip during his parenting time, he must first offer that time to Mom before arranging other childcare.
Considerations include:
- What duration of absence triggers the right? (4 hours? Overnight?)
- How much notice must be given?
- Does it apply to work hours or only discretionary absences?
Introduction of New Partners
Many parents want provisions about new romantic partners:
- How long must a relationship exist before introduction to children?
- Is overnight presence permitted?
- Must the other parent be notified before introductions?
While such provisions can reduce conflict, courts are generally reluctant to heavily regulate parents' personal lives.
Travel and Passport Procedures
Travel provisions should address:
- Notice requirements for out-of-province or international travel
- Who holds passports?
- Consent requirements for passport applications
- Providing itineraries and contact information
- Whether certain destinations require consent (non-Hague countries)
Communication During Parenting Time
Balance maintaining connection with respecting the other parent's time:
- Children should have reasonable access to the other parent
- Calls should not be excessive or disruptive
- Neither parent should monitor or record calls
- Age-appropriate privacy should be respected
Medical and Educational Decisions
Specific provisions help avoid disputes:
- Both parents have access to medical and school records
- Both parents can attend medical appointments and school events
- Emergency medical decisions can be made by either parent
- Major decisions require consultation (and agreement if joint decision-making)
- Process for resolving disagreements about major decisions
Building Flexibility Into Your Plan
While detail is important, rigid plans often fail. Build in flexibility:
- Good faith provisions: "Parents agree to accommodate reasonable requests for schedule changes when possible"
- Makeup time: When parenting time is missed for legitimate reasons, how is it made up?
- Review schedule: Agreeing to revisit the plan annually or at developmental milestones
- Changed circumstances: Process for requesting modifications when significant changes occur
The goal is a plan that provides structure while allowing for the realities of life. Parents who can communicate reasonably will naturally need less detail; those in higher conflict need more specificity.
Making Your Parenting Plan Enforceable
A parenting plan is only as useful as it is enforceable. To ensure your plan has legal weight:
- Incorporate into a consent order: Submit your agreed plan to the court and have it made into a court order
- Include in a separation agreement: Have a lawyer draft it as part of your comprehensive separation agreement
- Be specific: Vague terms are difficult to enforce
- Ensure both parties understand: Courts may not enforce provisions if one party did not understand what they agreed to
When to Modify Your Parenting Plan
Parenting plans are not permanent. Modification may be appropriate when:
- Children's needs change as they develop
- A parent relocates
- Work schedules change significantly
- The current plan is not working for the children
- Children enter new developmental stages (starting school, becoming teenagers)
- Safety concerns arise
If both parents agree to changes, modification is straightforward. If they disagree, court intervention may be necessary.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if my ex refuses to follow the parenting plan?
If your parenting plan is a court order, you can apply to court to enforce it. Document violations carefully. Repeated serious violations can result in contempt findings, costs orders, or changes to the parenting arrangement.
Can my child decide which parent to live with?
Children do not have the legal right to choose their living arrangements, but courts increasingly consider children's views as they mature. Generally, children 12 and older have their preferences given significant weight, though other factors matter too.
How detailed should our parenting plan be?
This depends on your relationship. High-conflict parents need very detailed plans to minimize disputes. Parents who communicate well can have simpler plans with more flexibility. When in doubt, err on the side of more detail.
What if we cannot agree on a parenting plan?
Try mediation first. If mediation fails, you may need to go to court and have a judge decide your parenting arrangements. Courts prefer parents to reach their own agreements, but will make decisions when necessary.
Should we use a parenting app?
Parenting apps like OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents are excellent tools, especially for parents who struggle with communication. They provide documented records, shared calendars, and expense tracking. Many courts now order their use in high-conflict cases.