Telling Children About Divorce
- Tell children together with your spouse if possible
- Keep explanations simple and age-appropriate
- Emphasize that both parents love them
- Reassure them it's not their fault
- Don't blame one parent or share adult details
- Explain what will change and what will stay the same
- Allow questions and validate their feelings
Age-Appropriate Approaches
Toddlers & Preschoolers (2-5)
Keep explanations very simple. Focus on routines and physical needs. Extra comfort and reassurance. May regress temporarily.
School-Age (6-11)
Can understand more but may blame themselves. Need clear explanations and permission to love both parents. Watch for loyalty conflicts.
Teenagers (12-18)
May express anger or withdrawal. Don't treat as confidant or put in middle. Respect growing independence while maintaining boundaries.
Warning Signs
Watch for these signs that your child may need additional support:
- Significant changes in sleep or eating habits
- Declining grades or school problems
- Withdrawal from friends and activities
- Regressive behaviors (bedwetting, thumb-sucking)
- Frequent anger outbursts
- Anxiety or depression symptoms
- Physical complaints (headaches, stomachaches)
- Any talk of self-harm—seek immediate help
Supporting Your Children
- Maintain consistent routines in both homes
- Never badmouth the other parent
- Don't use children as messengers
- Keep adult conflicts away from children
- Support their relationship with both parents
- Consider children's counselling
- Take the "Parenting After Separation" course
- Be patient—adjustment takes time
Frequently Asked Questions
Tell children together if possible. Keep it simple and age-appropriate. Emphasize that both parents love them, it's not their fault, and they'll still see both parents. Don't blame one parent or share adult details. Allow questions and reassure them about what will stay the same.
Warning signs include: changes in sleep or eating, declining grades, withdrawal from friends or activities, regressive behaviors (bedwetting, clinginess), anger outbursts, anxiety or depression symptoms, physical complaints (headaches, stomachaches), and talk of self-harm.
Alberta courts consider children's views based on age and maturity. Teens' preferences carry more weight than young children's. However, children shouldn't feel pressured to choose between parents. Courts may appoint a lawyer for the child or use custody evaluators to gather children's views.